Thursday, December 1, 2011

tripping into the fire

Everyone thinks it's such a sweet deal living at home with the parentals - it's not always so. There's always someone to ask questions of you that you don't want to answer. They always want to know the wrong things, or they want to remind you about the things you'd just rather forget.
How was your day?
Not too good actually...
Really StrangeBird, your head is falling off - well what are you going to do? What are you going to do if it falls off and lands on your big toe - you know that's going to hurt, right? You really should do something about that loose head of yours - I mean it's loose, and it's your head and you shouldn't have a loose head - for one, it's terribly unsafe and well it's rather unsanitary. Thank. You. Thank you for reminding me about the things that stress me out, thank you for making me not want to tell you anything, ever again and thank you for bringing it all back to me, just when I was beginning to escape, for a blink of a moment.

And they wonder why I don't like to answer their questions. Pfft.

My parents are very different people. They have similar values, but they approach things very differently. My father is analytical, scientific, methodical. My mother - impulsive, reactive, driven by her strong emotions. So, when they clash it's very messy, because neither side can see reason with the other. A clash happened tonight. I was just trying to watch 'Mad Men', the one where Peggy and Don have a moment, I was just trying to make a nice cup of tea, I opened my mouth, against my better judgement. Stay out of it, I thought to myself - but I didn't. Seemingly I exhibit the opposing traits of my parents - I became emotional at the silly things I was hearing, I couldn't tame my frustration from spilling out, but I also felt that I could simultaneously appeal to logic and solve the unrest. Wrong. So wrong.

So now, I'm in an argument that has nothing to do with me. I have upset my Mum and I can't fix it. I have to wait for the poison to drain away. I feel terrible, because even though i was attempting to help, I just declared myself an enemy (in my mothers eyes at least).

I can't do it. Never again - especially not on this issue. Fucky Mcfuck.

SB xx

1 comment:

Rianna said...

Oh dear :/
Are you ok honey?
I hope things have eased.