All this time I had been treating it like a battle - when suddenly I realised no one is going to come out a victor. There are no winners in these situations; there will be no medals of honor or pats on the back to be handed out.
I fight, I ache, I wonder and ponder on how things should be right. I lose.
'They' get the better of me, push me out, isolate me, underestimate me. At the end of their days, they are still shit people and therefore, even though it seems like a win, they still lose.
When I stopped thinking about how I was going to gain the days ground, I realised the absolute futility of it all.
"You have to remember, the world is made up of all kinds of people - some of them are really crap, and some are OK. But you can't change any of them." Papa Bird tells me.
He's right. But. There's always a but...
Instead of thinking about how I was going to 'stick it to the man/woman' today - I had to change the focus:
What am I going to do for myself today?
Am I going to do whatever I can, to move myself in the direction of where I want to be? In the direction of who I want to be?
Focus becomes more about what I want, and less about what 'they' don't want. And that is the way it should always be.
The fact of the matter is the moment we start angst-ing, crying, developing an ulcer over other people's actions, our attention is diverted from where it should be - on ourselves. And we serve nobody, least of all ourselves, with that bullshit.