My Dad says to me the other night, "why don't you go and learn something - go and be an expert on something... I'm tired of hearing how unhappy you are at your job.." I suppose he was trying to be helpful, cheers Dad.
Truth is, I have been letting my bad days seed, and like a dandelion in a strong breeze those seeds have spread and settled on everything around me. I didn't intend to involve other people, but I guess without realising it, I've been raining on their parades too. I've just been trying to manage from day to day, and I think I've let my attitude slip in the process.
Whenever I take a peek outside my little box, all I seem to find are roadblocks. I tried to meditate on fearlessness last night... it was challenging because I don't think I've ever felt that way before.
It's easy for me to just "put-up" with the way things are - to think maybe I'm not worthy to expect anything more out of life. Maybe this is self-punishment, fear or shame?
Shame is being told that your inside 'stuff' is starting to seep out. Realising that it's no longer mine, but that it can be seen from the outside. Who's the fool?
|Image by Ryan Learoyd|