change of heart

My female-ness is sort of in hyper drive right now. While I often 'joke' about being a 29 year old female with no prospects who is well on her way to becoming a cat lady, I've come to realise quite recently that I don't actually want to be alone. There is a huge part of me that wants to be noticed, that wants to be cared about and loved - although I am completely without the balls to initiate 'contact' with men-folk, which is sort of where the ideal falls apart.

Hence, I am looking around me as if driven by primal instincts, sniffing out anyone half decent - and I mean anyone. Ashamedly the new bloke who empties the bin at work looked almost dashing in the green reflective glow of the rubbish bin lid today - whistling and smiling in his khaki uniform - he seemed like the kind of simple my life requires. And don't get me started on the tradie contractor I've been devoting REM cycles to. Except maybe I will, because he looks a lot like this...

The small company he works for tends to be called in to do odd bits of work around the place, most recently he has been working on establishing the amenities of a new building right on my doorstep at work. So of course, there's been trench digging and flexing calves and glistening triceps. This guy is freakin' fit! And polite, and hard working, with dark brown skin and glorious grey-blue eyes, he had me at "good morning".. those couple of times he said it, like, months ago. Clearly my imagination doesn't need a lot of encouragement.

His presence has been infrequent of late, which made me sad...

So, this week when he returned to continue, and possibly complete the work, I was delighted. I was all....

As the days wore on, I continued to sneak glimpses of him through the wooden blinds and found countless legitimate excuses to journey outside to chance an encounter. But the days ticked over, and I was all...

And now he's gone, the trench has been filled and compacted and my work days feel a little emptier than they used to. 

But, if I'd known then what I know now - perhaps I would've seized the opportunity of the late night walk to the public library with my girlfriends and Justin-big lips, for a pash on the pine logs too. I'm told he slobbered a lot, but, meh - beggars can't be choosers right?