Friday, June 29, 2012

moving in the generally right direction

Jack Nicholson says "take your medicine!"

It's no secret I have been a little down lately. I'm not sure if it's been the slight reduction in meds, or maybe just the anxieties that the change brought about. I've been feeling "off" - fuzzy and floaty, as if I've been walking on marshmallow ground that at any time could collapse and suffocate me. Thankfully, I don't feel like this so much anymore.

It's been quite a tough week.  Things at work are moving into a whole other gear.We are heading into a crisis period due to a lack of staff.  I have endured periods like this previously, and I know what's in store, which I think in some ways makes it harder. Something else quite sudden happened this week too. Dear C - my equally complex work mate, with the power to make me cry, announced that she must leave. She told me on Tuesday and was gone by midday on Wednesday. C left because she has been unwell, and hasn't been able to overcome the medical things that are going on.  It's nothing life threatening, and I know that given time, she will be fine - but it was a sucker punch to the heart to see her go. Even though age and profession divided us, I felt like my secrets were safe in her hands, and I will miss my friend, my ally, C.

You can never really know how long someone is going to be in your life.  I suppose sometimes people stop in briefly while making their way to somewhere else.  I am grateful, that after such a short period of time, I had been able to share a glimpse of myself with C. 600km now separate us, and realistically I don't know if I'll ever see her again.  Why is it, I wonder, that the people you want to stay are always the ones that leave too soon?

I saw this clip for the first time the other day.  Unrelated to Beth Ditto and her creepy, harsh makeup, I actually find the video clip quite offensive to watch - I find it to be an eye sore, which is such a shame because I actually like the song, and its message. Maybe we could watch with our eyes closed?

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