Yesterday was my birthday - and after my freak out about it last week, I actually had a really lovely day. I think I realise that I am what I am, in the place where I am - and that is ok.
I received wishes from Facebook 'friends' which I appreciate - but I also received some gorgeous texts from fewer, far more special individuals. I was lucky enough to receive warmth, love and some gifts - this extended even into today, when workmates wished me well (well, I was feeding them cake) and the universe generally seemed to give me another pass for the day.
After all the John stuff that has come and gone in recent months - I didn't expect to hear from him. I wrote to him for his birthday weeks ago, to which he never responded. This is why I was surprised to receive his correspondence today. This is what I got:
I'm a lover of someecards from way back - but to send this, with nothing else except "Happy Birthday" in the subject line? Really? No "how are you? Did you have a nice day?" - sweet nothing. This is how you choose to contact me, after months of nothing? What. A. Fucking. Wanker.
I'm not even sure I find that funny. Wait, second thought, no, I definitely don't find it funny at all. In my head, I think perhaps he'd like to wish me a long, boring, unremarkable existence. In my head, I think he doesn't give a crap about anything me related. Or maybe, this is his version of have a nice, long life - without me in it.
This is actually sitting well with me. I'm just annoyed that he felt compelled to waste the moment of his time to send this completely thoughtless, humorless piece of shit. I feel nothing, other than pity for the kilobytes he wasted sending that via email. Why bother comes to mind.
He obviously doesn't want a response. And may he get his hearts desire.