Friday, March 23, 2012

sticks & stones

Am I ok with not being like everybody else?
Most days? Yes.
Today? Not so much.

As everyone was packing up to leave work this afternoon, talk turned to work drinks tonight. I did receive a pity invite, I think because I was in the room at the time it was raised. I declined the generous offer. Then, a comment was made between two others about 'tomorrow night'. I wasn't thinking, I asked the wrong question "oh have you got a big night planned tomorrow night"...yes, yes they do have plans - no, I wasn't invited.

I know I can't talk about how shit some people are, and then expect invites to social gatherings from them. I know this is the price I pay for being socially awkward, for saying 'no' a lot of the time - and I know the fact I don't really drink, weirds people out. But it still hurts sometimes.

I'm not going to cry, because this is the lonely bed I made for myself. Maybe at my age, I've dispensed with the small talk, the fake and meaningless because I don't tolerate it very well, and figure perhaps that life is meant to be more?

God, how I wish I was "normal" - I wish I was chatty, perky and loved to get drunk. But I just wasn't made that way.

At least the dog likes me. She doesn't discriminate.


1 comment:

AVY said...

I get that feeling sometimes too. It would be so much easier to just be like everyone else, but then again, I don't really know anyone who is. Maybe the "everyone else" is just a ghost that doesn't exist outside our minds?

/ Avy