I went for a bike ride early this morning, at some ungodly hour. The idea seemed attractive last night; the reality of the alarm violating my dream state this fine Sunday morning was not so pretty. But, I peeled my eyelids open and persisted - if only for the knowledge of that universal law that states "thou shall not return to slumber, once you have risen from thy bed". The ride gave me time to think; away from the walls that hold me in this world, where I am a miserable and lonely daughter.
The air was clean, filled with the scents and sounds of weekend chores and a sleeping town. I started to think about the realities of my 'ride' - my actual and my metaphorical. I rode to uncertain places, not knowing what might await me on the track; the incline tested the strength of my muscles and will; and then the realisation, that after pain comes pleasure. The glorious feeling as I descended the decline of my perseverance - never is a feeling quite so sweet as the one you get when coming down from the high you fought to reach. It was then that I realised, I don't have a hill in my sights. I feel like I'm always on this bumpy, forgotten road going nowhere. What's my summit and what would it look like if I ever got there? I don't want to be the passenger locked in some basket harness, being led by the power of someone elses drive. What do I want, and why don't I know it?
Today I realised that life is kind of like that push up a hill, uncertain and full of hardships that test the strength of your character and heart - making it to the top is the ultimate prize and getting to fly down that same hill at great speed is the icing on life's cake.
I gotta get me a hill worth climbing.
SB xx
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