Monday, November 22, 2010

Oh! Hark!

I think there is a secret that most people hold onto tightly. A secret about the way they feel; the way they might be coping - or not coping as it so often is. It doesn't matter how often we hear the stories, or how often we become the stories - you just never get 'it' until it's looking you in the face and staring you down.

What is it I'm eluding to? Depression, stress, distress, unhappiness. It's an epidemic - it sneaks up on you like an expert ninja and seems to spread like the common cold - but we are all still too afraid to call it out for what it is.

I don't pretend to be an expert. Honestly, sometimes I try to think back to my own dark days, and for whatever reason I don't seem to be able to easily recall the utter emptiness of it all. It's a scary place, and I don't ever want to visit again.

What's my point? I'm not sure. Someone at work is on stress leave at the moment, and no one is coming out and saying it. Everyone is afraid or ignorant or both - shit, even me. Unfortunately, just because I know what it looks like when it infiltrates my life - it doesn't mean I can see the cloud when it's hanging over someone elses head. I feel ashamed that I don't see these things, but at the same time, I recognise it's such an internal thing that it's hard to see unless you really look for it. Depression has many faces.

Perhaps part of these problems could be solved if we talked to one another - if we just felt like that was an option. I know that finding someone to talk to isn't always easy to do, but maybe sometimes we need to be more direct. If you feel like crap, if you don't know how to verbalise it - just say something. Write it, sing it, scream it, paint it, dance it, cry it - just get it out. Why is this so hard? Even for me.

The posting of this clip probably doesn't make much sense from the outside - but there's a lyric in there that I really identify with.... I fit quick in lonesome places... I think Lisa and I would make great friends. It's a song to me, that says it's ok to be whoever you are.

SB xx

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