Free Agent

I know where I get my crazy inclinations from now. My Mother. She's seriously nutty. Trying to understand that woman, and her motivations is impossible. I've decided she's either:
a) very simple, or

b) incredibly complex
Seeing her angry, anxious, frustrated, negative, mean and worried - it is absolutely no secret where I come from. Crystal. Clear.

It's been an interesting couple of days. At work, I've breached my bullshit threshold. There's no way to really explain all the forms of shit at that place and every which way direction that they flow. But trust me - it's frustrating seeing so much crap going on and not being in any kind of position to change it. I went out last night with some work people, and it was pleasant. Thankfully no appearances from SpottyApple or John. By nights end, my mouth was sore from smiling and laughing, so that's a pretty good indication it was a fun time. Seeing as we've followed the dramas all along on this sad little blog - I must report that they are seemingly a couple again. I know, I KNOW - I've been insane bouncing up and down with my John related feelings and woes - but I am done with it. I am a free agent. I am single. I am not in love/lust with anyone. And I am ok, just that way.

Just as the saying goes however, that change is always challenged - who would be parked next to my car today while I was in town for the briefest of brief shopping expeditions? None other than the aforementioned John and SpottyApple. You can imagine that I cursed The Lord when I saw his car parked where it was, and then even more so, when I glanced SpottyApple in all her spottiness sitting inside the parked car. Then, as I was trying to escape into the car, I heard a "Morning!" from behind me and it was him, it was John. Jesus, Mary and Joseph - of all the days, and all the times, and all the car spaces in this little town - they had to be there, they had to be sitting in the car, just when I was getting into mine. Fuck me. I'm sure it wasn't as pivotal a moment for them, as it clearly was for me - but I just didn't need it. I didn't need to see them together and be reminded. But, I'm ok, and I take solace in the knowledge that I won't see either of them for the next 8 days.

As some further insight into my personality, I declare that if I were an awesome tennis player, I would proudly be seen in this:

Although, it would obviously be, minus the crazy nanna pants seen here:

No apologies.

SB xx