Wednesday, April 16, 2014

driving in dreams

Last night I had a bad dream.

In this dream, I was driving this huge 4WD - it was awkward to handle, and hard to move - I was completely out of my depth.  And then I tried to park it, and I had to park it in this tiny spot, amongst the nicer cars of people who didn't like me.  And as I was trying to correct my parking, I ended up smashing into all these cars, causing a huge mess and uproar.  I didn't know what I was doing, and people were angry with me.  In the dream, I also drove this car in dark, unfamiliar streets and I felt scared, and alone.

In reality as I drove to work this morning, I thought about what the contents of this dream might mean.  If I transferred the belief that driving in dreams is supposed to indicate how you are 'driving' in life - then, that would mean that loosely I currently find myself in uncharted territory, driving ideas and feelings I don't know how to manoeuvre. Which is true.

Yesterday I turned 31.  The lovely moon decided to eclipse and turn red (only my favourite colour, since forever!), which I thought was a superb present, thank you moon and sun - although I couldn't appreciate it, being that I'm in Western Australia and us folks didn't have the greatest view.  It didn't matter though, I knew something special was happening somewhere, and I was happy enough.  After fare-welling visitors, inside I came to find a lovely butterfly sitting on the kitchen cupboards.  A proper daytime butterfly with deep black wings, speckled with white dots. Once I got over the shock (almost mistaking it for a horrible moth - eek!) it felt like a present, just for me.

I'm managing a saga of a migraine headache at present, an almost unrelenting ping of pain from my neck into my head, and an insatiable appetite for sleep.  And I'm just trying to do it all, while juggling thoughts about accepting myself in my 31st year, wondering if someone will think I'm worth their time, effort, love. And more importantly, whether I could ever think that of myself.

My two year old niece is in her 'abracadabra' stage - she twirls her finger and while shouting the word declares she has turned me into a frog!  Today, I went to buy her a little toy wand, so she could practice her magic for real.

Remember being a child, and thinking anything was possible?

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