We've been dancing around this issue for a while, but I finally have the courage to say.... it's over between us. I just don't like you anymore. Truth be told, I'm not sure I ever really did.
Yes, to start with you made me feel more included, more connected - you used to be fun. Pictures of people I hadn't seen in years were enlightening, inspiring even. Travels could be tracked, virtual catch-ups were heartwarming, and even the stalking came in handy... once in a while.
But then, it became about numbers.. how many 'friends' did I have, who requested me, who didn't?
Who dumped me as their 'friend'?
Who wished me happy birthday this year?
Who 'liked' my photo?
Who commented? What did they say? What did they really mean?
Who is that?!
With so many 'whos' I've been asking myself why. All you do is bring self doubt and frustration to my fingertips. For every legitimate good thing you've given me, I've scrolled through dozens, and dozens of bullshit posts, adverts and 'selfies' oh, how I hate the selfies.
And then there's the way you crept into my conversations. Something innocent I had learnt on Facebook, would escape my consciousness and in answer to "where did you hear that?" I had to confess: I saw it on Facebook. Urrrgh I feel dirty.
You kept gnawing at my time; anytime I sat idle for long enough to reach for my phone, all I had to do was tap that little blue icon - for that 'just in case' look. I couldn't help it, I'd become dependent on knowing everything, anything. It has become a sickness, the desire to know things that I don't really need to know - I'd become torn between acceptance and freedom.
For I'm sure that all the 'good' reasons Facebook started, have now long since faded away. Now we're all right back where we never wanted to be - high school. All the cool kids who still don't want to be your 'friend', watching assholes continue to be assholes via their pictures, bullies with endless rants, and the bad spelling - so much bad spelling.
You are an enabler Facebook - you have allowed every wank-fest, whinge-fest, aren't I so funny/clever/ironic/hot/sad/happy-fest to go on, and on, and on. And I won't take any more of it. You are a terrible 'friend' Facebook. And don't think I don't know you're using my likes and preferences as a way to shove more marketing and rubbish down my throat!
Now you see, I just don't care. I've always had one foot out of the 'normal' world anyway, the way I see it I may as well step through and get comfortable where I'm standing.
As 2013 rapidly draws to a close, a year which has been choc-full of rubbish - I'm finally cleaning up. I'm simplifying my existence. Who knows how long it will last? When that first pang of guilt or fear hits, will I be tempted to rejoin the masses? Whatever happens, just know Facebook - that in this dysfunctional relationship, it's not me, it is most definitely you.