I'm excited at the opportunity to apply for this position, because I really hate the assholes I work with now. Plus, the pay is really good here...
I feel that my extensive customer service experience lends me the capabilities to adequately deal with just about any crackpot you can throw my way - aside from exceptionally stupid people.
I'm confident I would be a great addition to your team, but if people piss me off I will want to stab them in the face with my pen - MY pen. I don't share pens.
When I look ahead five years into the future, I'd like to see myself sipping cocktails poolside with a good book in hand, and a gorgeous man by my side - failing that coming to fruition, I'm probably not going to want to be doing this job, but I sincerely promise I will give you a solid 18 months.
I look forward to hearing from you, mostly because I'd really like to get the fuck out of where I work right now. Thank you for considering me for this position.