Wednesday, March 13, 2013

the lead balloon

I had 'the talk' yesterday. I spoke to my immediate work team members and told them of my plans to leave my current role. It had been coming a long time, and lately the realisation that there was no going back flew at me light-speed.  It wasn't an easy conversation to have, because I've been at my current job for over five years - I've put my heart, sweat and tears into it, so to raise the white flag - to actually say it aloud was scary and confronting.

What followed my declaration has been varied.  From the people that matter, it has been kindness.  From others, it has been somewhat disappointing.  Now more than ever I feel like I'm walking on eggshells - acutely aware I'm not going anywhere until I find another job.. they know that and I know that.  Perhaps my honesty wasn't appreciated.  I think the decision I made for myself is now being used against me.  It's not all giggles at the moment.

I'm tired of fighting an un-win-able fight, of trying to make my passion matter to anyone other than me. And I'm so utterly gutted that you can give yourself to an organisation for half a decade, and be disappeared into the shadows in the blink of an eye.

Humans keep disappointing me. So I wonder, do I expect too much from life, or am I just hanging around the wrong kind of people?

1 comment:

Jenny Frodsham said...

I feel like you are documenting my life! Nice to know I'm not the only one out there.
No, you are not hanging around the wrong kind of people. When you are a high achiever, you are constantly disappointed by other humans. Humans are imperfect and will constantly be disappointing us. But there is hope, because we can learn to be ok with that. I highly recommend two books. "Captivating" By Staci and John Elderdge and "Loving What Is" By Byron Katie. And then to top it off "The Power of Starting Something Stupid" by Richie Norton. It's helped me come to grips with my position in life at the moment.
Good luck :)