surrender

I've been packing, and perfecting the packing - writing lists and just as I clear one list, I make up a whole other in my head for translation to a post-it note.

Tomorrow is the day.  Tomorrow I fly from home to the big smoke.  Tomorrow night I leave the big smoke for Italy! I can hardly believe it's happening.

When you make these plans for the future, you forget that someday the day will actually arrive.  I guess I've been making fake plans like these for a really long time - this time, I'll see them through.

The packing has been stressful - being limited in how much I can take and imagining how I will manage to carry it, another problem entirely.  I really wish I had worked on my upper body strength, and well, my general fitness; but it's a little too late to worry for that now though.

I can't believe what I'm on the cusp of seeing and doing. Strange, that even after the mess with John, and feeling like I have a crater in my heart - I feel ready to do this.  Don't get me wrong, I'm scared, nervous and convinced I will have forgotten something... but I feel ready to leave home and find a little of myself out there.

I have learnt that I cannot anticipate what is going to happen in the next four weeks - I won't know who I'll meet, what I'll say or what I'll do - but I'm excited.  I'm being forced to go with the flow, and I think it'll be just what I need.

I can't wait to be inspired.

SB xx