Cease the daze

It's been a big week. Going back to work after holidays is always hard, but especially so when you don't want to be there at all.  I had to remind myself how it feels to be bound to responsibility... and how to keep my head.

I tried being disciplined this week, about John; about a lot of things.  I tried to put one foot in front of the other in a forward direction, instead of trying to jive around the monument of emotion I have created for myself.

Yesterday, another demon faced.  I met up with my travelling 'friend'.  The one that traded our European adventure for a cheap airline ticket.  I will never forget that.  We arranged to meet for coffee; the bitch kept me waiting for 15 minutes in a packed coffee shop.  The heat and the attention in that place warmed my cheeks to a punched pink hue.  I refused to be the victim.. again... I placed my order; it arrived before she did.  I waited for her because I am a polite person, but I think it sent a clear message.  I won't wait for you, or anyone, anymore. It felt good, powerful even - a small gesture but a valuable one. From little things, big things grow.

Most days lately, my life resembles an Adele song.  Today it is 'One and Only'. It is the loveliest song, and to never hear it would be a great shame.  It is exactly what I'd say to John if I could.

You've been on my mind,
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time,
Just thinking of your face,
God only knows why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go,
You're the only one that I want,

I don't know why I'm scared,
I've been here before,
Every feeling, every word,
I've imagined it all,
You'll never know if you never try,
To forget your past and simply be mine,

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only,
Promise I'm worth it,
To hold in your arms,
So come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts,

If I've been on your mind,
You hang on every word I say,
Lose yourself in time,
At the mention of my name,
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close,
And have you tell me whichever road I choose, you'll go?

I don't know why I'm scared,
'Cause I've been here before,
Every feeling, every word,
I've imagined it all,
You'll never know if you never try,
To forget your past and simply be mine,

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only,
I promise I'm worth it, mmm,
To hold in your arms,
So come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts,

I know it ain't easy giving up your heart,
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart,
Nobody's perfect,
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart),
Trust me I've learned it,
Nobody's perfect,
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart),
Trust me I've learned it,
Nobody's perfect,
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart),
Trust me I've learned it,
Nobody's perfect,
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart),
Trust me I've learned it,

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only,
I promise I'm worth it,
To hold in your arms,
So come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts,

Come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts.

Promise I'm worth it.

SB xx