I know lately my entries have been lowly - which is a pretty good representation of my life at present. I feel as if I am stuck; eternally in a series of shitty moments that I can't get out of. And it's not even that I really have anything substantial to complain about; for someone who does so much thinking - I think I need to have a good think about me. I suppose that is the key - so much of my time is invested in thinking about others, how they affect me, that I don't really spend a lot on just the 'me' portion of that.
I have reason to believe that where work is concerned, things are going to start to pick up - which would be lovely, because lets face it - it's been all shades of shit for a long while. But, it still leaves 'me'...
I don't really know where to begin to deal with all this baggage. As tough as it will be, I know in my heart that John leaving will be a blessing - being able to release him will hopefully make room for some other things to occupy the vast space he currently resides in. It sounds crazy, but there is a part of me looking forward to when he is gone, because then maybe it won't hurt so much. Perhaps like removing a band aid, it's best done quick and without too much procrastination. I wish him well, and while the scenarios in my head always end in him coming back for me - I know it is time for him to go, and time for me to let go.
It's at night when things get quiet that all this stuff rears its ugly head. Perhaps it's time to face the beast, head on.