I had the unusual opportunity to enter strangers houses today - for legitimate work related activities, of course! Seeing the way people live - was kind of an eye-opener for me. That some people can live in a dark mountain of mess and clutter and call it home - did nothing short of amaze me. Another house had photos of family and friends lining entire walls - it was unexpected, and kind of nice to see. I found myself thinking about what a brave act it is to let another into your home. I can see now, why it is so devastating to have unwanted visitors with ill-intentions bust into the places were you sleep, create and dream - we lay ourselves truly bare in our homes. For some of us - for people like me - it is a place where you don't have to put on any masks - it is an impenetrable tower - complete with a moat to wash away the dirt of the outside world.
So, that's how I feel about a house - imagine how hard it is to let someone in... to me.
I have so many masks and walls. I'm trying to knock them down and let the real StrangeBird fly - but it's hard. It's hard, with situations like John, when sometimes all I want is to let him in - so then I try, and it gets rejected - I do something wrong, and I don't even know what that something is. I think I have to accept that it is not the colour of my eyes, the length of my hair or the humour of my jokes that is going to win him over. I think if I were able to win him - he would already be mine. I don't imagine he's completely un-winnable, just not an eligible prize for me. That. Sucks.
Still, today reminded me, that when you enter someones home, or heart - the journey can be surprising, rewarding and mutually enlightening.
I'm standing at the door, I'm knocking - someone, let me in!