I have a history with writing controversial letters when the mood strikes me. It usually happens when I want to say 'damn the man' in more detail than those three words can lend. I kind of did it again today - via email. It wasn't so much anger, but a resolution to rally my immediate team together for a greater good. I received a response from John to say he appreciated all I said in my email and he wished me 'good luck with it' - as if he's already checked out, or mocking me - or both; I couldn't tell. I think the Christmas spirit lent me an unusual amount of optimism - I wish all the things I said in the email were possible, but I'm not sure. Pushing shit uphill comes to mind.
When I left work today, John and I hugged; we were alone and it seemed fitting - it was the first intentional body to body contact we've ever had. It was a proper chest to chest hug too - none of this pat on your back, minimal contact business. He's taller up close than I realised - but then, I might've just been dwarfed by the moment. I never had a hug that left me hurting so much. It certainly is a week for painful firsts.
But now, to muster my energy and soak up the spirit that is Christmas. Leave behind my troubles, worries and naive wishes and try to enjoy the moments - even just for one day. Christmas has the ability to bring out the best and worst in people - luckily for me it's usually the good that surrounds me. Merry Christmas to all, and may we each be smothered in all things Christmas and love.