Friday, October 1, 2010

Nelly's Cousin

Dear God,
Hi - how's it going? My name is Antagonist Annie, I'm Negative Nelly's lesser known cousin and well, I'd really like to not be this way anymore. Thanks so much.

I'm LOSING MY MIND. Work these past couple of days has been, fairly fucking awful. You know, you (and by 'you', clearly I mean 'me') would think that in a time of disaster and low morale - a small team would be united and perhaps, supportive of each other. Ohhh no! 'You'd' be wrong. My boss is so incredibly difficult. She lacks any forethought and is void of all skills necessary to support, lead and raise the people around her - the ones that really need it. I used to really like my job - it's still a semi-pleb job - but it's one that makes a difference. What makes me feel so damn shitty, is that I've given it everything - I give everything and I can't understand why things are still so awful? If I weren't so angry right now, I'd be crying about it. But what's the point?

Yeah - I know, 'suck it up girl' or 'get a new job'. I don't want a new job - I like the job mostly - it's just some of the people are a bit shit... Yeah, I don't really know what's holding me back either? I think there's a small, flickering flame of hope that says things will get better, and then I think there's also a semi conscious hope I have, that John might come to me eventually. It's ridiculous I know. What's wrong with me? I don't want to end up in another job where all I get to do is answer phones, take well-written messages, collect the mail and sit by helplessly as my brain cells wither and die, one by one. I don't know much, but I know I'm better than that. I have more to offer than that.

Change of topic. I hate Facebook. I hate it, mostly because I can't not look at it. It's a car crash you know is going to be messy and awkward - but you still can't take your eyes away from the scene of it. People are so self absorbed, and generally shit. I have to work myself up to comment on a status update of John's only to have him not respond?! And why I hate Facebook most of all, is because of that previous sentence. Why should it be ok to get upset about things like that? My Aunty and Cousin recently unfriended me - buggered if I know why; but SHIT, if you can't rely on your family in the electronic world, you're pretty well stuffed. I have a right mind to cut myself off from it... but you know, that probably won't happen. I can hear the beeping horns and the tyres screeching and they are begging me to look.

I want so desperately to change it up, change gear and fly on out of this crappy pit of anger, resentment and negativity I find myself trapped in. I don't like being this way.

Worse still, I'm getting a cold - so there really is a 'lot of snot' to cope with. But still, it is the weekend. I shall do my best to pick myself up out of this attitude and move on from the bits that aren't helpful.

Happy days!

SB xx

1 comment:

MissEmy said...

I know what you mean about facebook. I once had a friend take me off her's when we didn't agree on something. I thought that was silly!

Feel better soon! And don't forget to drink lots of water. Seems to help.