Monday, October 18, 2010

The Expert Loser

The new lamp casts a red glow across darkened corners and glittering things. It's not the warm, inviting kind of red. It's a 'warning' red. BEEP... BEEP.. BEEP... overload! The sort of colour you might expect to see just before something blows up.

I'm trying not to think about the great red elephant that is John. I tell myself it is just the first day, and then things will be fine. They'll be ok. I'm not sure.

I didn't know it was even possible to be in a one sided love affair. 'Unrequited' they call it. Do you know what that means?

It's doesn't even matter. I tell myself it's just the ideal I fell for - the man I imagined - it's my own fault, I took liberties with the blanks. Stupid, stupid girl.

Jesus, when will this pass?

"There's too much love for John around here" someone says. "Time to knock him down a little." I like the sound of that. Perhaps it'll happen naturally.

Crazy to think it hurts this much when it's one sided. Imagine what it must be like for real, when it's returned. For me, it's a misshapen boomerang that won't come back. Always.

I have a history with these things.

SB xx

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