Tuesday, August 31, 2010

coming up empty

Today's song is from Sia, called "I'm in here". It's perfect.

I'm in here, can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?

I'm in here, a prisoner of history,
Can anybody help?

Can you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for,
You to come rescue me,
I need you to hold,
All of the sadness I can not,
Living inside of me...

It was raining today. I don't particularly like the rain when I have to go out in it - lets just say it doesn't really agree with my hair?! But today, I welcomed it. It rained most of the day and some of last night, and while the water was washing away the dirt and the shit - it seemed to wash me 'clean' too. When I arrived at work, I realised that John is not who I created in my head. The real John is cruel and not at all like the noble man I made him to be. This clarity is exactly what I needed. I discovered that he is just a player - a very good one, but still a player, and I mostly just feel really stupid for fooling myself over, and over.

Today I was finally able to draw the line.

John is on this side
_____________
And I am here.
And that is ok with me.

I don't need to be wasting myself on anything less than what is real and true.

SB xx

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