Me & My Shadow

I made a big boo-boo I think. One of my work colleagues was having their last day at work yesterday, and me being on holiday - I wasn't there. So, I said I might try to swing by and say bye, but I didn't. Truthfully, I did kind of get caught up in other things, and then there was that nagging voice telling me not to go - because it would bring my mind right back to work 3 days prematurely. I let that train of thought take me for a ride, because I didn't want to go; I didn't want to be reminded of the messy and difficult relationships that reside there, and the general complete shitness of my existence. I know it was a cop out. I just wasn't brave enough. I am shallow and vain and feel behind the ball and didn't want to put that on display to the people who could and would use that against me.

I don't want this to be the end of my break. So many endings all the time, where are the starts, where are the great starts?

I did have a challenge today. Another paying photo shoot. Boy, did I work for my money. The light and setting wasn't great, so I'm a little nervous that the results might be less than great; but I managed as best I could, and I think at this point, that is ok.

So, tonight is another lonely Saturday night. Yeah, Mr Right is probably not going to fall through my roof, but I'm just tired of being fake, tired of being around fake people. Not that I had an invite anyway, but?

For tonight it's just me and the shadow of my thoughts.

SB xx