Revelations

Ok - so, I know I have pretty regular epiphanies about John and the like, which aren't exactly long-lived, but I think perhaps my latest are going to stand the test of time.

Yesterday I had a chat with the staff member that is leaving, and we talked a bit about why she's been so unhappy. I know I've touched on some of the management stuff which is challenging to even the strongest of wills, but John and SpottedApple together on our crew has kind of changed the dynamics of the whole place, and upset a lot of apple-carts along the way. Truth is, John has changed - he's changed in the eyes of the people who have watched him grow from the green newbie, to the selfish git who has reverted to caveman habits. Look, I'm the first to admit, he's nice to look at, and the most endearing quality about him was that he was so down to earth. Back in the day, he used to behave like he didn't know his effect on women, but now, it's like someone let him in on the secret. Before, he was a good ol' country boy with a sweet smile and endearing charm; now, he's acting like a preppy pretty boy. Something wrecked him, and what a shame.

ANYWAY, this is what I figure. I figure that anyone who makes me feel less than proud of my 'wog' heritage, attitudes and beliefs - probably isn't the best influence for me. Truth is, that he seemingly makes all of these judgements about me - like I'm 'negative' and 'perpetually unimpressed' but he really doesn't know me at all, because if he did, he'd know that's not me. Actually I think he'd find, if he took his head out of his ass - that his girlfriend is the whinging, manipulative, judgemental one. But hey, that's just the way things look from where I'm standing.

Yes, his alluring eyes will no doubt test me, but can I really trust a man with curly hair??

I hate myself for being so sucked in, so weak. No more. I'm a female, I should be smarter than that!

SB xx