Day off today - thank fuck!
I didn't have my showdown with boss bitch yesterday, so be sure it's coming tomorrow or Friday. The last few days I have wasted far too much time and lost too much sleep, thinking things over in my head - imagining what I am going to say, how to play things out. I've had enough! I also spent a lot of time today, getting my information together so that I am armed if I get ambushed again. I do not admire people who think they are always right, especially when they ram it down your throat. I'm the first to admit I can be hard headed at times, and no one likes to admit they are wrong, but JESUS, this woman!
I'm on my own (in management terms) too, which is interesting. It's not that my line manager doesn't see a problem, she just doesn't want to have to deal with it. Not really surprising, but still, disappointing. I think I'm ready. I know I don't want to fall apart again, no tears, no matter what, no tears. I feel doubt creeping in, and that's the only way she can get to me - ARRGGH - piss off doubt.
I have decided SpottyApple girl is a bit shit, and has been a bad influence on dear John. There's a sick part of me that still longs for him. I blame his eyes. However, he's changed from when he first arrived, and I don't really like that new person - he is bitter and cold. He's like the new kid at school who is really nice when he first arrives, but when he makes some friends and hangs out with the cool kids, he switches into an asshole. I know part of my John still lingers, but if he won't show it, what's the point? It'd be so much easier if he wore sunglasses! I wouldn't get mesmerised by his eyes. My list grows:
- be careful of people with red hair/gingers
- you can't trust a boy with cold blue eyes
Bye for now. Beware the gingers!
SB xx
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