I think essentially, the world is divided into two kinds of people; those who put others first, and those who put themselves first. Of course, we all have moments of varied degrees in each party - but, when it boils down, you are either one or the other.
Of course, there are benefits to both. If you are someone who puts others first, like me (most of the time) you forget about the things you want, the things you need to do and you put your resources into other people, expecting or hoping that your good deed will be noticed, perhaps one day even rewarded. This is not really true. Then, if you are one of these people, you end up having so many repressed feelings and desires that eventually they build up to nuclear proportions, and suddenly you need to push that metaphorical big red flashing overload button or you explode! However, if you are the other side of the coin, you worry about you, you worry about what you want and do whatever you have to do to make sure you get it. Not a bad way to be in theory, assertiveness is not a bad thing - but it also means crushing a lot of people along the way too, and I can't speak for the way these people sleep (possibly better than me?!).
So, my dilemma is, if you are one of the ones who puts themselves second - what do you do when you feel that urge to explode? How long can you be a giver before you start to realise you don't want to be a doormat forever? I'm in dire need for that big red button.
I'm tired of giving, I'm tired of people not appreciating the things I do. I'm by no means perfect all the time - but for fucks sake people, every once in a while - think about the person who's 'packing YOUR parachute'. Think about the people whose backs you climb on to get where you were - just for a minute, and try to be gracious.
over and out,
SB
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