The Hammer of Hamate

Well, this is my first blogging experience. I'm not entirely sure how long I'll stick with it or if anyone will ever read it, but we'll see how we go. So, why start blogging now? I guess I thought maybe if I can get some words out, then they won't be filling my head all the time? So, lets call it an experiment of a therapeutic nature. How is this going to work I wonder? I am a notorious 'lone wolf' in life - I keep hold of my 'self' and my thoughts fairly tightly, I take a little time and a little effort to get to know - but I like to think I'm worth the trouble. I guess we'll see...

So for today, my title is lent from something new I learnt about. There is a little bone (one amongst many) that is in your hand - called the 'hamate'... and this little bone has sort of a hook attached to it, where the nerves pass through - anyway, this hook is referred to as 'the hook of hamate' - I thought it sounded kind of interesting. So, I hear you say "but you didn't call your blog 'hook' of hamate, you called it 'hammer' of hamate" - yes I know. To be honest, things in my life lately have felt more like hammers than hooks - hence the name.

So - these metaphorical hammers I speak of? OK, so in a nutshell, I'm in a job I used to love, with a couple of workmates I love to bits, most I don't trust and one I like a little more than I should. So, management has gone to shit - sometimes I think I am the only one that keeps everything together. One of my main allies at my workplace is going through some truly awful things at the moment, which are playing on my mind a lot. I have a crippling crush on a workmate and have had pretty much since he walked through the door ohhh - eight months ago maybe. Yep - ok a crush I hear you say... it gets worse. He didn't have a girlfriend when he started work, he does now and to really smash that old hammer down - she now works with us! Say it with me now.... FUCCCCKKKKKKKK!

Anyway - self pity aside I get through the days. I know it's not the worst thing in the world - but you know when you have a crush, and you think like maybe you love this person, and you can't stop thinking about them, and you think like maybe, if you both get beyond this awkwardness, things could possibly be awesome. Well, it would seem life had another plan for me. I know, if you're reading this you're probably thinking - get over it already - and I tell myself the same quite regularly. However, I'm chronically single and this guy breathed fresh air into me for a while and now it's gone and dead and I'm walking around in a semi-zombie state.

Well - whatever right? If you prescribe to the idea, like I do most of the time, that things happen for a reason - then this is the way it's supposed to be. So, I suck it up and try to move on.

There's other stuff... but I'll save it for later. Oh, and I know my blog title is weird. I'll explain it someday if I'm still around.

Bye for now. SB