If I could put into words and sound, the way I feel right now, the only way to describe it would be this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPhGybu1T8o&feature=related
I'm screaming and sobbing on the inside, and I'm not totally sure why.
It is inevitable that my family will be moving from here, and I think it's going to happen sooner than I expected. They've been talking about it for so long, so many times, I kind of stopped listening and never really thought it would come to anything. I'm scared.
I don't really want to go to work tomorrow either. I know this 'crush' stuff is dead, but it doesn't mean it's not hard. I keep having dreams about it. Last night, in my dream, I overheard John telling someone that he was once in love with me, but that he got over it and that in fact now, I annoy him. Ouch, dream John is mean - but it's probably reality too.
I'm conscious that I seem to be walking around like half a person, I feel like there is something missing. Maybe it's the prospect of change, or I'm just thinking too much - but I can't shake the feeling that somethings not right. Strangely enough, I feel like someone is watching over me, or perhaps preparing me for something to come. Initially I thought this was weird but comforting, but now I feel a little scared. Just add it to the mother-sized pile of scared I already have I guess.
SB xx
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