As seems to be the norm, last night was a time of reflection for me. Mostly, about all the John feelings and what a grand waste of time it all has been. I found myself realising that I probably, no, I DO deserve more than that. I deserve more than being someones 'in case'.... I'm not going to be antibody's 'backup girl'. I just feel so foolish, for letting myself be dragged into this emotional black hole. I know how utterly ridiculous it all seems, that this one-sided relationship could've developed into something so ugly. All I can say in my defense, is that I'm not crazy... I truly thought there was something 'there'. It's what my internal compass was telling me from the beginning, but it's obviously defective. I want a refund.
I deserve to be the leading lady in my own fucking life!
That is all.
SB xx
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