Today I started with such an open minded attitude, I was, I think for a moment 'content' or the closest to it I've ever been. And then I got to work and everything exploded.
Everywhere I turn, just about every person is on the verge of a breakdown of some variety; and in case it wasn't clear, this includes me. My boss.... my . boss - who I really have to boss around is USELESS, USELESS in all the ways that matter right now, to us all. I think perhaps very soon my internal voice is going to become my external voice, and I am going to be in trouble. I think said conversion is starting to happen already.
I am feeling the pressure rise up in me, and I know this is a dangerous time, and a time to start considering a scheduled break. I'm not sure I can afford a proper holiday, but regardless, if I don't get out soon... I can't be sure of what's going to happen.
I'm tired. I'm tired of people who don't do what they are supposed to do, and tired of people who don't do what they say they are going to do. And really, I'm just tired.
There is nothing that can cheer me up. Not even the sight of my new bright, sparkly red, Wizard of Oz Dorothy flats.
Today there was an overwhelming sense for me to just cry. You know you've really hit a wall, when you haven't got the inclination to fight, scream or protest - when all you want to do is cry, it's serious.
My eyes burn tonight like I've already done the crying, but I haven't. When I think about what 'J' at work is going through, I realise I don't really have a valid reason to cry at all.
That is all,
SB xx
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