Ain't that a kick in the head...

Not too much to report - just some odds and ends.

I had a quiet weekend to myself - it was nice. I was able to write down that very long list of things/people/times that I need to release - not sure if they have all entirely departed this world that is my head - but, it's a start.

I dreamt about Benchpress me NOW Boy. In my dream, I found him in some dark, weird vibe place, where we were running from something/someone. He drove this awesome hot vintage car - unlike the donkey kong express he currently cruises around in, in waking life. In my dream he was a bit dodgy though - in trouble I mean. I suspect this is from my subconscious, and conscious musings about what he really does as a daytime job? I wonder to myself often what a young, fit guy is doing with himself, and why does he seem to have enough time every day of the week to go to the gym in the middle of the day for a couple of hours? Is he a drug dealer? Is he training for the army/FBI/police? Does he hold a night job - perpetually? Is he a bouncer/club owner? Is he a baker - this would account for the midday availability - as of course all bakers do their work early in the mornings (but would not account for non-fat physique he sports)?! Is he rudely rich and requires no day job (back to the car - I suspect not)? The drug dealer seems more plausible. Oh dear, I've fallen for the bad guy (in my head) :(

I've been checking out a local photographers online work, and I must admit, it stirs feelings of major inadequacy. I like some of the things she does - I don't really like the poesy, fake, over cooked look of some of them, but I must admit to jealousy, that she is simply capable of such work. I wish I wasn't afraid - I've always been afraid - my whole life. I'm scared I'll be crap at something, so I don't really try at it - just in case. Silly isn't it. I want to be a master - a master at capturing real moments.

And finally, today's musical note goes to Mumford and Sons "Winter Winds" - describes a bit of the fight waging inside me most of the time lately.

And my head told my heart,
Let love grow
But my heart told my head
This time no
This time no

Simple but true.

Signing off for now - strange and birdlike as always

SB xx