God: did someone here order a reality check
SB: yes God, that would be me
Alright, so I've mentioned this work crush of mine numerous, painful times. And last night I came to a decision, I am writing the conclusion to this pathetic painful story.
I am refusing to be a victim of the crush any longer. This so called "crush" has been more like being smashed with a semi-trailer than hit with cupids arrow - and why that is I can't explain - you know what, I don't even care anymore.
Yeah, I can lament the loss of the chance - but what would be the point? I don't know what I was sensing when he first arrived - so maybe I fucked up by not acting on it, he lost interest quickly and it was done. I can't keep carrying this around with me forever? Learn from it, and move on.
I don't want to be a Martha Wainwright song anymore - I want to be free to live again. Everyday my mind gets bogged down in rationalising why he said what he said to me, that day.. that week... no more bullshit StrangeBird.
I don't know how I'm going to flick this switch - but the decision has been made - it's done baby. No more wishing, hoping, imagining. The truth of it is, I should value myself more than this, why should I sit sadly idle waiting for someone? Aren't I worth more than that - I'm one of the good apples, remember?
I've done more than enough thought challenging in my time - I'm basically certified. So next time I find myself having a weak moment, I'm going to imagine the image of a big mother of a glowing red STOP sign and I will remember why I'm not participating in that nonsense activity anymore.
Sadly, I can't wipe his girlfriend from my existence - all I can hope is that the universe will sort that one out in time. I truly think he picked a bad apple there - but it's not really my problem is it? It never really was.
I will not willingly allow any unworthy man to stomp on my good heart anymore.
Rant end. Copy that - SB
R.I.P. BASTARD crush
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