My world is about lines right now. Seeking lines to follow, drawing lines in the sand and crossing lines that probably shouldn't be crossed. Lines of different kinds, but lines nonetheless.
I'm searching for a line to keep me on track and comfort me. My life feels so stagnant... if there are good changes coming in the breeze, I want to see them - I'm searching for them, so that it might make this limbo part easier to take. I can feel change is in the air, and I so badly want it to be mine.
I drew lines in my mind, about how I might begin to deal with John. It's crap and I can't keep spinning these old thoughts that end up trapping me inside; alone and sad. I want to be friendly, but detached. It's not working so well.
And then, I started flirting with these crossing lines. I teetered on the edge. I felt like having fun with all these lines that taunt me so. I had to reply to an email from John today and I was ballsy and suggestive and I didn't care. There is a part of me that is tired from playing safe; I know it's not smart - but there is that desire in me to push things so far, just to see where it might lead. I suspect this particular line will end abruptly with a full stop.
SB xx
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