Puzzle Pieces

By my own admission, I am a puzzle of a person. Truthfully, I live with the hope and expectation that someday, someone, will find me, figure I'm worth the challenge and try to piece me together - even though, most of the time - I'm not even sure what I look like when I am in one piece.

Everyone has their own rulebook in their head - life according to human 'X'... problem is, my rules don't seem to match anyone elses, and I try to move the goal posts all the time, just so things will make sense - but nothing ever does.

Depending on my mood, I question myself, my family, God, The Universe, The Angels and any other entities I can name - I want to know why I'm here, what's my purpose, why everything seems to hurt some days and why can't I seem to catch a break that I can see.

I am 27 years old. I am not happy, more importantly, I am not content. I don't much like looking back at the road I travelled to get to this mediocre spot. I know I've got a good heart, and that I'm a hard worker, and I know for certain, that I hate and love fiercely and to a fault. I'm scared to make decisions and plans, because I'm scared I won't have the courage to see them through. I want, want, want so much - but I'm too scared to go for it. I think I am in love with someone who will never know it - and he will likely never know the tears, time and hope I spent aimlessly on him.

So, tonight's million dollar question - how do you move beyond this point? How do you give yourself the jolt you need to get going, on this see-saw that is life? How do you stop being consumed by everything internal, so you might be free to feel what's just within your grasp?

How indeed...

SB xx