Catapult

Today was a fairly uneventful day at work - which was nice for a change. It was particularly quiet because almost everyone checked out early for the long weekend.

I am very quickly eating myself through my entire stock of Easter eggs - it is unhealthy and I am aware of it - but I just can't seem to stop. I know I've reached a critical level, when I am willing to ingest an egg, even when the wrapping is ripped open - my God - I used to have standards! So, so very sad.

In all seriousness, I do want to get proactive about getting healthy - the gym is great, but it's only going to be useful if I match that with what I am putting in my mouth. Why does it feel like I've spent most of my life worrying about weight and food - probably because I have. I know that life's ups and downs are going to be easier to deal with, if I am in a healthy state. I also know that I have a lot of genetic and family history reasons for trimming my fat ass down and watching what I eat. I also learnt yesterday that sufferers of depression are at a higher risk of having a stroke. All in all, excellent news! What once used to be what I like to refer to, as 'The Holy Trinity' - that is hypertension, obesity and diabetes, now suddenly has an additional side in stroke - and I'm not liking it!

Aside from all of this in the background, I feel fairly positive that I am going ok. I know, this mood doesn't strike me very often - but after considering the state of mind I used to be in, a couple of years back - I realised I've made some headway. I might not have it all, or have all the right answers - but I am wise in my own right. I also acknowledge that I am a good person, nay 'great' and I deserve good things!

It was kept fairly hush that my (ex-)work crush had a death in his family this week. I didn't actually hear about it until after I had the opportunity to give my condolences to him. I felt awful. I felt awful because while I didn't want to deal with having to get close enough to approach the subject with him, I also felt bad because he probably thought we didn't care and I felt sympathetic to his situation, and a huge part of me just wanted to be a comfort to him. Even though I am kind of resentful for the way things played out - there is a huge part of me that wants to have his eyes meet mine, and for him to share the load with me he so obviously carries. For once, I let me brain do the leading - I forgot about my heart, I forgot about what "people might think" and I got hold of him mobile number, and sent him a message conveying my sadness and thoughts. I don't know how it was taken, I don't know how he'll feel about it - but as a decent human being I had to do it.

Lets see what the weekend brings...

SB xx