Dear John

Right now, I'm listening to Ray LaMontagne and feeling fairly well melancholy. I'm exhausted from work, in fact I wanted to go home for a sleep at around 1pm, and right now I should be studying, but my head is far too full of crap to be any use. So, what's my man Ray got me dwelling on? What else, but love, love lost - hope lost, hope less.... everything. The following is a fictional letter to my crush, it's an experiment, lets see how it turns out.

Dear John
Writing a letter like this is not something I do all the time, and it's certainly not something I take lightly. In fact, I don't know how you're going to receive it, what you'll think or if you'll even care. It's quite possible that I am making a complete fool of myself - but, at this point, I don't care anymore.

The truth is... the gut wrenching, heart in my chest truth, is that I have been madly in love with you from almost the moment I met you. I have been carrying this around for so long, and some days, containing it took all of my strength. There have been times, when you've been so close to me, my heart was leaping in my chest and I'm sure to the observant viewer it was written all over my face. I haven't known what to do with these feelings, I still don't. There have been days I have cried my heart out because it ached so much, and the crying took the pain away for a moment. There were moments, when I let myself think that you might've felt the same - and I didn't know what to do. And now, I'm saddened at the thought of this missed opportunity, because now you are attached.

It kills me to know that you are with someone else, and that it's someone so hideously ugly on the inside. I thought I knew you - and now, I feel like maybe I never did. Still, you made your choice, and somehow I have to get over that. I promised myself a long time ago, that I wouldn't shed another tear over you - and I haven't. I suspect however, that there are tears left for you to cry. I don't know if anything would've happened, if we would've even been able to hold a 30min conversation. I hope that in another life time or dimension, we get the chance to find out - because, just quietly, I think we would've been fairly awesome.

I miss who you used to be before she came along, and I hope one day he comes back. Most of all I hope she doesn't damage you - your spirit is far too special to smash.

I think I love you, and I think you'll never really know how much.

Yours truly
SB xx